EIGHTEEN - HAPPY 65th BIRTHDAY to ME!

65 years old and still can't find my mom LENORA JENNINGS

My 65th Birthday wish was to find my mother.

It was a grand mission, I wanted to find my mom  and my brother before my 65th Birthday. Because I didn't even know my mom's or my brothers birth dates, I realized it would be difficult. Spending Hours researching and taking an ANCESTRY.CA DNA TEST was the first real step in the right direction.  Sometimes though you just have to admit you failed....but of course that does Not mean you can give up. Even though I had set the deadline to find them by my 65th birthday, maybe I set my bar too high. There were times I actually thought I would make it, but I don't think I am any closer than I was a few months ago. On the plus side there are MANY  things I was able to accomplish in my 18 months of searching.

 What I found so far is amazing

The only fact I knew "for sure" (which ended up NOT being true) was my mothers name "LENORA JENNINGS" I found my mom's Birth date and birth place after searching custody papers at the court house. It was surreal reading her birth date for the first time in my life @ age 64.

I was also able to track down my mom's parents and siblings, though they have all passed away

What a wonderful accomplishment to have found and met my Maternal cousins whom I didn't even know about! I was pleasantly surprised to feel such a profound connection to them.

BEST of all I found and met my BROTHER STEVE - and we speak every week, rain or shine!

The search for LENORA ANNE JENNINGS continues

Having missed my dead line for finding my mother is a tad defeating....but also lights the fire under me. I feel so close, yet so far from the truth. I keep reassuring my brother Steve, that I WILL find our mother, or at least her resting place. Steve has also been helping. He obtained his Adoption papers with non-identifying information about our mother from the Children's Aid Society in Toronto. It didn't give us much but he has also requested non-identifying information on his Bio-dad. We are crossing our fingers that there is something in those files. I think another trip to the Court house for more files on mom might help....and of course another visit to the "Church Of Latter Day Saints" where they have people who will help you with your search.

Going to set another dead line to accomplish this - lets try for September 19 2019 - Brother STEVE's 69th Birthday! Wish US LUCK!!!!

NINETEEN - A new hint in an old document - Divorce decree

PARENTS Divorce Decree 1979

Original decree tells more than Certificate

It's amazing - no matter How many times you tell yourself to look in Every corner...you miss something! My frustration at not finding anything new sometimes gets the best of me. It was one of those days that I decided to write another post on the Face Book "searching for bio family" I explained that even though I have checked, double checked, triple checked the SSN listings, I can't find anything that will tell me if my mom "LENORA ANNE JENNINGS" is alive or dead.  There was a flurry of questions from people who had ideas on finding new information. I had posted the File # on my parents Divorce Decree, and the fact that the Certificate was missing information. When I called the courthouse, I was told they didn't have any more info...so I dropped it.

Well this Lady double checked the certificate and then sent me a private message with something new...."Some one" had requested a copy of the divorce decree in the last 10 years....WHAT?!?!?!

WHAT can this possibly mean???

YES I realize that maybe there is a Simple explanation....but it could also open up the Real possibility that in 2011, my mom was alive!!! My dad had moved on with his life and suffering from Parkinson's disease. I can't imagine that he would have even been capable of asking for a copy, and of course to what end would he need a copy. BUT "IF" mom wanted to remarry, or prove she was divorced, then it is Possible that my mother Could have requested a copy. The thought is MIND boggling to me, but now I need to prove it.  Gotta get myself focused again 

Feels like I'm back to square one!

So 2 days searching for the files, and I am unable to see the latest date of the request. I ordered the original divorce document because I already had the Divorce Certificate, which was missing info.

Unfortunetly the Court house won't mail to Canada....good thing I have my newly found Maternal cousins in the U.S. I have been sitting here looking at the document for a few days now, hoping a light will go off, but so far NOT!  My cousin Michael offered to ask some legal friends what my next step should be. I'm desperate enough to post again on Face Book "Bio family search page" Maybe someone has a new idea on how to find out WHO requested a copy of the divorce.  

I spoke to my Brother Steve today and vowed I will continue the search for our mom.  I had hoped to find her before I turned 65, but I missed my deadline. I turned 65 years old 2 weeks ago. Yep I gotta get focused, become obsessed again and hope Somewhere, Someone knows where I can find her!
I'm going to KEEP LOOKING

SEVENTEEN ~ my sister TINA died 10 years ago today ~ sad day

TINA and I enjoying life at Rice Lake - 1985

Christina Marie 1956 - 2009

Today's post will be dedicated to my kid sister Tina. It is the 10th anniversary of her death, a date I wish wasn't such a bitter sweet reminder of What was. From as young as I can remember, it was "Tina and I" When our parents split there were Group homes, many moves to a new neighborhood and new schools. The times we lived with mom had a lot of unsupervised time while mom worked. When dad got custody of us, the result was another parent who worked Many hours to make ends meet. We were left with a step-mom who was Not a caring, compassionate person. Our lives were controlled by a new strictness and became difficult as we got older. The upside was it made Tina and I closer because thru All our life changes, we had each other.

Itty, bitty, teenie, weenie, tiny, little sister Tina

Our maternal side of the family is plagued by colon / bowel cancer. There's a  history of dying too young, even if treated at an early age. It was the fate of my sister. She left this earth before she could accomplish everything she wanted. 

BUT I want to stress, Tina lived every moment like it was her last. Tina was always the "Life of the Party"  Her impeccable fashion sense was inherited from our mom. Tina was Always the BEST dressed, perfect hair and the most color co-ordinated person I ever met. It was a gift I never had. I marvel how she found lipstick, nail color and hair color to match for every occasion.

My sister married young, had 3 children in quick concession and then separated. No matter what was going on, she tried to make sure her children ate well, dressed well and enjoyed the finer things in life. Tina enjoyed playing games. Card games, board games, sheckers and chess. Tina also liked Bowling, playing her violin, sketching and singing...but she LOVED to go Shopping and to the Casino!!!  Tina was in her glory spending time with friends, and family.

She is still with us in Spirit

Tina was fortunate enough to have 5 grandchildren before she passed. Tina enjoyed a close relationship with our father and she also had a sweet significant life partner. I hope she can see that I have finally found our brother Steve and we now have some pretty wonderful first cousins on our mom's side. I hope my sister Tina can feel the Love that we all have for her. And most of all, the joy we have in the memories of our short time together You are missed sister!

SIXTEEN ~ Wonderful to find my Jennings cousins!

Meeting my JENNINGS cousins for the FIRST TIME!!!

The Journey is worth the effort

Not sure I can explain the extent of frustration during the search. Fortunate for me it  resulted in one of the most meaningful meetings of my life.

I had continued writing and searching on ANCESTRY.CA, MY HERITAGE, and any other site I could find. I also was getting valuable help from a few members of my Private "Facebook" page "Searching for Lenora Jennings". One gentleman Tom BURK was able to track down a cousin whom I had written to many times. She had moved a few years earlier and wasn't receiving my messages. I had hit a brick wall.

But thankfully Tom found my cousin Anne, I was elated to speak with her and her mother....who had actually met my mom a few times back in the 70's! After another month of searching for mom I was feeling a bit defeated and decided to search on "Ancestry.ca" for information on one of her brothers....BINGO, I found another couple of cousins!!! It was like playing a game of Domino, bit by bit cousins were falling into place.  All in all I found 5 cousins and 3 of their children and --- drum roll pleaze "Aunt Doreen" who once was married to my Uncle! AMAZING!!!!

BURNING UP THE PHONE LINES

What the heck do you call a feeling of Instant Kinship with people you have never met? Kizmit? Whatever it's called, it feels Wonderful! I never knew I had any cousins and then I find an entire Jennings tribe, it is more than I could have ever imagined. So then began the many phone calls, texting and picking their brain for any memories of my mother. I found out the cousins were too young to remember a lot about my mom.I was sad to learn that there mother had died just a few months before I found them. Aunt Joyce was the person who enjoyed Genealogy and researched the family history. If anyone had any information on my mother, it would have been her. I am sorry that my aunt and her oldest daughter passed away before I had a chance to know them.

I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET MY CLAN

I really wanted to meet my Jennings cousins....and I felt blessed that they wanted to meet me as well. I was on Pins and Needles just waiting for a time where everyone could get together. It took a few months but a date is arranged. Booked my flight to the United States. The biggest preparation was going thru all my notes. I wanted to make sure I had all my documents and most of all all my Questions ready for them. I am READY....LET'S GO!!!!

FIFTEEN - Being a "Little Sister" for the first time in my life

My BIG BROTHER STEVE

Getting to know my BIG brother Steve

Once I knew for sure that the DNA match was for my Brother Steve, we started chatting on the phone. I assumed he lived in the USA, and was shocked to learn that Steve had been born right here in Toronto, same place as my sister Tina and I.  All those years we were searching in the Wrong damn place! I spoke to him for the first time during the first week of August. When I asked where he lived Now, he said Vancouver....Another shock! A few months earlier I had booked a short visit to Vancouver to visit family...would be there in 2 weeks....Did Steve want to meet...YES he DID!

The YING and YANG of discovery

How strange to meet your BIG brother when he is 68 and his Little sister (me) is 64 years old.

There was Sadness in the meeting...all the years lost, and the Biggest was my sister had passed away 9 years earlier. Tina would have been Thrilled that we found Steve.  And then of course, there was the fact that our mom was AWOL in Both our lives.

"BUT" there was also the BIG Happiness WOW factor....I finally found my BROTHER! 

Nothing else mattered, we found each other and everything else was in the PAST. I was more fortunate than Steve, because I always knew about HIM. Poor Big Brother Steve had NO idea about Tina and I, or many facts about our mom. ( he was told his mom was "NORA JENNINGS" )

MEETING for the FIRST time in our 60's

It's a strange feeling of worry, excitement and a bit of fear in the anticipation of meeting a sibling for the first time. Steve's partner SUE recorded our first hug and allowed us to prattle on like we knew each other for decades. I brought Steve some documents and photos. It's kind of a shock to learn my brother Steve has never seen a picture of his mother....almost surreal. Here I was upset that I had only 3 wedding photos, and here my brother had NEVER seen her face.

We sat at the restaurant going over all the documents etc and I tried to remember any little tidbit to share with Steve. I could tell he "Needed" to know Everything.

It was comforting to know that the biggest hurdle of finding each other was done. It is not just a NEW page for Both of us, it is a new BOOK. We can put a Positive spin on everything from this point on!

FORTEEN - MEET "my Brother from the same Mother" SUCCESS!!!

Meeting my Brother STEVE for the FIRST time in my life!!!

LIFE SURPRISES for the SIBLINGS!

My earliest memory when I learned I had a brother, was when I was perhaps 4 years old. I was using scissors to cut out these cute little Cartoon babies I found in a book. My mom (Lenora Jennings Veri) walked in the room, and burst into tears....I was aghast and didn't understand what I had done wrong. Mom explained the book was for her "Little Boy Baby" I don't remember what she said about why the Baby Boy was gone, I just remember that she was quite upset. I Never forgot about my mom telling me about the Little Baby Boy.

Because my mom has been AWOL since 1965 and my father (Peter Veri) would never discuss her, my facts were mostly Guesses. I never knew "how or where" my parents met, fell in love or married. Most of my information has been either "Assuming" or from some dedicated research. 

The only thing I knew for sure, was my mom was born in Kentucky...that's it. 

I heard my mom worked at a hotel in Chicago as a Cigerette Girl, and my father perhaps used to be a Bartender at the same hotel. My father also told my sister Tina and I that he told mom he wouldn't raise another man's child. Mom put her "little Baby Boy" up for adoption and my parents were married in 1953. I "Assumed" the baby was not much older than me, so maybe born 1952?

" ANCESTRY.CA " Success story!

Years ago my father told a cousin that my mom's baby boy was named "STEVE or STEVEN" and lived in Dayton Ohio. So that's where I concentrated my searches all these years, mainly in Dayton, and Chicago....couldn't find a thing! I was looking under "Jennings" but realized it was a long shot because the baby had gone up for adoption before 1953.

Didn't matter where Tina and I searched, there was no info on mom's first born. Even relatives would look at me funny, saying they never heard about mom having a previoud child.

THANK GOODNESS FOR ANCESTRY DNA TEST!

WHO is this DNA match who doesn't respond to my Monthly Messages!

So I wrote to the first 50 DNA matches, but kept strick notes on the top 10 matches. Every MONTH I would write, and kept a record of the message, the date and anything else of interest. Strangley enough I did get some responses, but not from the top 5. Most of the replys were adoptees looking for info on Their birth family....sadly I didn't have any info to give them.

The top 5 matches were the difficult ones. You try hard Not to get discouraged. WHY aren't I getting any replies, WHY did they take a DNA test if they won't answer - blah, blah, blah. You must "shake it off" and start the next day with a new Positive attitude. Finally with some creative messaging, my FORTH best DNA match wrote back. We exchanged quite a few emails and he sent me the First photos I had ever seen of my mom's oldest sister Dolores!

Then I heard back from my THIRD Dna match, then number TWO....but who is number ONE? On August 1st I decided to write ONE MORE TIME ( 6 months AFTER my first message ) A week later I got a response, they wanted to know a bit more about me. I gave them my mom's name, plus a few more tidbits - - - but I did NOT tell them that I thought the male DNA was actually my Brother ( I've read you Never do that, you might scare them away, better to move Slow ) I checked my email a few times every hour. Finally I heard back from his wife  who wrote me saying " I have been stalking all your Social Media pages, OMGawd I think you are Steve's sister" 
 UREEKA I FINALLY found my BROTHER!!!!

THIRTEEN - my Lucky number!

MOM @ Aunt Anne's wedding 1956

Finally something to smile about

Before I start the latest story, let's be clear, I have NOT found my mom - yet. The search is still on going, but some days I run out of steam. There is just so many dead end leads. On those days I try to focus on "New" searches, for other people besides my mom Lenora Anne Jennings. The strange thing is how often these Random searches result in some sort of success...and August 1st it happened again.

When I took my "ANCESTRY DNA test" I had over a Thousand matches. Most of course are third, fourth, fifth and sixth cousins. The ones I decided to pursue with a Passion was the close matches, up to and including second cousins.  The one DNA match I was most interested in finding was my Highest "centimorgans" (1411 cMs) From all my Google searches, making contact with a close match takes some finess & low key conversation. Offer to Exchange information and don't give out how exactly HOW you think they may be connected to you. The idea is to NOT scare them off with TMI, let it sink in and give the person time to adjust to the possibilities and DNA evidence.

Plot and Follow your Course

So I sat down for a few evenings and wrote to my closest DNA matches....ALOT of them! I made little notes to myself on the Ancestry site, detailing what I had wrote, the date of the latest note and what if any reply I got. I wanted to be sure to space my letters apart to them so they didn't become alarmed.I was trying Not to write more than once a month It takes a ton of will power, NOT to scream in CAPITAL letters....you don't understand, you could be who I'm looking for, you might know my mom, you could change my life!!! 

But of course I stayed the course. It seemed too important to take the chance someone would cut me off, when they had important information on mom. 

( I once found a person who had my close relative on her Family Tree. When I gently approached her about any possible information, I was curtly told "I have that person on my Tree for the sake of my Children, I will not discuss this any further" - I complied and never bothered her again )

TRY, TRY, and TRY AGAIN!

The moral of this post is to "BECOME the Engine that Could, BE the Engine" I can't tell you haw many notes I have written. I continued to read tips on how to make contact....the latest one was to include an email address with any correspondance on Ancestry.ca and Finally it worked! 

My Closest DNA match had only two initials as a User name. It was managed by someone else. I wrote to them four times, the last time was August 1st 2018. I tried to sound veri laid back and asking if we could perhaps Exchange information since we were such close matches. I included my email and Hoped for the best ....YES, YES, YES finally SUCCESS.

The lady who manages "S.C." DNA results, replied to my message. She asked me to tell her a bit about myself. I wrote mom's information as well as my sister and myself. I checked my email a million times that night....the next day she replied "omg I think you might be Steve's sister" 

Well guess what....I "AM" Steve's sister....and it feel Wonderful!!!