TWENTY - the GOOD, the BAD & the UGLY (truth hurts)

Retouched photo of mom by "Random Acts of Kindness" group on FB

The Pendulum swing of "Hopeful to Hopeless"

As mom's 87th Birthday became closer, my sense of urgency to find her reared it's ugly head. I again started pestering people of what they remembered about her (when did you last see her, where did she live, did your parents mention Anything about what she was doing etc) One of those people suggested a great idea....why don't I find someone willing to run her name in the U.S. data base...maybe there is something about her there! 

WOW why didn't I think of that!

Once I found someone to run her name, I was on Pins and Needles. Somewhere in the back of my mind I assumed Suddenly she would be found. Maybe a little old lady in a home with dementia, or even better a really nice retirement home in Florida. I couldn't help but have butterflies for the few days waiting to hear back. I warned hubby that IF she was found, I was flying out there ASAP to see her. And of course "Brother Steve" would accompany me to meet his mom!

Another CLOSED door

Well it didn't take long to be shot down by a burning inferno of Realty. Mom did NOT show up AT ALL, no matter how far back he looked. I was told that she was Most likely DEAD, and I should try to find out for sure using the SSID. When I explained that I was told I would need a death Certificate to get the SS#....and to get a SS# I need the Death certificate. I'm in a NO WIN situation.

It was suggested that I go State by State asking if there is a death certificate for her. "Some" states might do a search for free, while others would charge for the search. My worry is the fact that I don't know her last name or if she had remarried. Being in the "Great White North" prevents me easy access to all the USA has to offer for searching. He then suggested I could possibly find her if I take a trip to the Largest Genealogical Library of the world in Salt Lake City.

Working on my FACT Collecting

So that is what I'm "Hoping" to do this year. I already warned hubby that it's happening (I hope) My 1st 6 months searching for mom, I met LOU in a Search Group on Facebook. Lou went to the LDS Library in Salt Lake City last year. She prompted me to get a list of all the major facts and have detailed notes. Arrange to have an LDS helper booked Before I get to Salt Lake City....and she offered to meet up with me to get me started once I'm there. I couldn't ask for a Nicer Angel. 

I am going to Push ahead with plans for the LDS Library. I have already checked out flights, hotels and transportation. I MUST follow this thru to the end. Seems like this is my Last hope for success. My Recently found BROTHER STEVE turns 70 in 2020...so that is the NEW Deadline to 
"FIND LENORA JENNINGS"!!!!

EIGHTEEN - HAPPY 65th BIRTHDAY to ME!

65 years old and still can't find my mom LENORA JENNINGS

My 65th Birthday wish was to find my mother.

It was a grand mission, I wanted to find my mom  and my brother before my 65th Birthday. Because I didn't even know my mom's or my brothers birth dates, I realized it would be difficult. Spending Hours researching and taking an ANCESTRY.CA DNA TEST was the first real step in the right direction.  Sometimes though you just have to admit you failed....but of course that does Not mean you can give up. Even though I had set the deadline to find them by my 65th birthday, maybe I set my bar too high. There were times I actually thought I would make it, but I don't think I am any closer than I was a few months ago. On the plus side there are MANY  things I was able to accomplish in my 18 months of searching.

 What I found so far is amazing

The only fact I knew "for sure" (which ended up NOT being true) was my mothers name "LENORA JENNINGS" I found my mom's Birth date and birth place after searching custody papers at the court house. It was surreal reading her birth date for the first time in my life @ age 64.

I was also able to track down my mom's parents and siblings, though they have all passed away

What a wonderful accomplishment to have found and met my Maternal cousins whom I didn't even know about! I was pleasantly surprised to feel such a profound connection to them.

BEST of all I found and met my BROTHER STEVE - and we speak every week, rain or shine!

The search for LENORA ANNE JENNINGS continues

Having missed my dead line for finding my mother is a tad defeating....but also lights the fire under me. I feel so close, yet so far from the truth. I keep reassuring my brother Steve, that I WILL find our mother, or at least her resting place. Steve has also been helping. He obtained his Adoption papers with non-identifying information about our mother from the Children's Aid Society in Toronto. It didn't give us much but he has also requested non-identifying information on his Bio-dad. We are crossing our fingers that there is something in those files. I think another trip to the Court house for more files on mom might help....and of course another visit to the "Church Of Latter Day Saints" where they have people who will help you with your search.

Going to set another dead line to accomplish this - lets try for September 19 2019 - Brother STEVE's 69th Birthday! Wish US LUCK!!!!

NINETEEN - A new hint in an old document - Divorce decree

PARENTS Divorce Decree 1979

Original decree tells more than Certificate

It's amazing - no matter How many times you tell yourself to look in Every corner...you miss something! My frustration at not finding anything new sometimes gets the best of me. It was one of those days that I decided to write another post on the Face Book "searching for bio family" I explained that even though I have checked, double checked, triple checked the SSN listings, I can't find anything that will tell me if my mom "LENORA ANNE JENNINGS" is alive or dead.  There was a flurry of questions from people who had ideas on finding new information. I had posted the File # on my parents Divorce Decree, and the fact that the Certificate was missing information. When I called the courthouse, I was told they didn't have any more info...so I dropped it.

Well this Lady double checked the certificate and then sent me a private message with something new...."Some one" had requested a copy of the divorce decree in the last 10 years....WHAT?!?!?!

WHAT can this possibly mean???

YES I realize that maybe there is a Simple explanation....but it could also open up the Real possibility that in 2011, my mom was alive!!! My dad had moved on with his life and suffering from Parkinson's disease. I can't imagine that he would have even been capable of asking for a copy, and of course to what end would he need a copy. BUT "IF" mom wanted to remarry, or prove she was divorced, then it is Possible that my mother Could have requested a copy. The thought is MIND boggling to me, but now I need to prove it.  Gotta get myself focused again 

Feels like I'm back to square one!

So 2 days searching for the files, and I am unable to see the latest date of the request. I ordered the original divorce document because I already had the Divorce Certificate, which was missing info.

Unfortunetly the Court house won't mail to Canada....good thing I have my newly found Maternal cousins in the U.S. I have been sitting here looking at the document for a few days now, hoping a light will go off, but so far NOT!  My cousin Michael offered to ask some legal friends what my next step should be. I'm desperate enough to post again on Face Book "Bio family search page" Maybe someone has a new idea on how to find out WHO requested a copy of the divorce.  

I spoke to my Brother Steve today and vowed I will continue the search for our mom.  I had hoped to find her before I turned 65, but I missed my deadline. I turned 65 years old 2 weeks ago. Yep I gotta get focused, become obsessed again and hope Somewhere, Someone knows where I can find her!
I'm going to KEEP LOOKING

SEVENTEEN ~ my sister TINA died 10 years ago today ~ sad day

TINA and I enjoying life at Rice Lake - 1985

Christina Marie 1956 - 2009

Today's post will be dedicated to my kid sister Tina. It is the 10th anniversary of her death, a date I wish wasn't such a bitter sweet reminder of What was. From as young as I can remember, it was "Tina and I" When our parents split there were Group homes, many moves to a new neighborhood and new schools. The times we lived with mom had a lot of unsupervised time while mom worked. When dad got custody of us, the result was another parent who worked Many hours to make ends meet. We were left with a step-mom who was Not a caring, compassionate person. Our lives were controlled by a new strictness and became difficult as we got older. The upside was it made Tina and I closer because thru All our life changes, we had each other.

Itty, bitty, teenie, weenie, tiny, little sister Tina

Our maternal side of the family is plagued by colon / bowel cancer. There's a  history of dying too young, even if treated at an early age. It was the fate of my sister. She left this earth before she could accomplish everything she wanted. 

BUT I want to stress, Tina lived every moment like it was her last. Tina was always the "Life of the Party"  Her impeccable fashion sense was inherited from our mom. Tina was Always the BEST dressed, perfect hair and the most color co-ordinated person I ever met. It was a gift I never had. I marvel how she found lipstick, nail color and hair color to match for every occasion.

My sister married young, had 3 children in quick concession and then separated. No matter what was going on, she tried to make sure her children ate well, dressed well and enjoyed the finer things in life. Tina enjoyed playing games. Card games, board games, sheckers and chess. Tina also liked Bowling, playing her violin, sketching and singing...but she LOVED to go Shopping and to the Casino!!!  Tina was in her glory spending time with friends, and family.

She is still with us in Spirit

Tina was fortunate enough to have 5 grandchildren before she passed. Tina enjoyed a close relationship with our father and she also had a sweet significant life partner. I hope she can see that I have finally found our brother Steve and we now have some pretty wonderful first cousins on our mom's side. I hope my sister Tina can feel the Love that we all have for her. And most of all, the joy we have in the memories of our short time together You are missed sister!

SIXTEEN ~ Wonderful to find my Jennings cousins!

Meeting my JENNINGS cousins for the FIRST TIME!!!

The Journey is worth the effort

Not sure I can explain the extent of frustration during the search. Fortunate for me it  resulted in one of the most meaningful meetings of my life.

I had continued writing and searching on ANCESTRY.CA, MY HERITAGE, and any other site I could find. I also was getting valuable help from a few members of my Private "Facebook" page "Searching for Lenora Jennings". One gentleman Tom BURK was able to track down a cousin whom I had written to many times. She had moved a few years earlier and wasn't receiving my messages. I had hit a brick wall.

But thankfully Tom found my cousin Anne, I was elated to speak with her and her mother....who had actually met my mom a few times back in the 70's! After another month of searching for mom I was feeling a bit defeated and decided to search on "Ancestry.ca" for information on one of her brothers....BINGO, I found another couple of cousins!!! It was like playing a game of Domino, bit by bit cousins were falling into place.  All in all I found 5 cousins and 3 of their children and --- drum roll pleaze "Aunt Doreen" who once was married to my Uncle! AMAZING!!!!

BURNING UP THE PHONE LINES

What the heck do you call a feeling of Instant Kinship with people you have never met? Kizmit? Whatever it's called, it feels Wonderful! I never knew I had any cousins and then I find an entire Jennings tribe, it is more than I could have ever imagined. So then began the many phone calls, texting and picking their brain for any memories of my mother. I found out the cousins were too young to remember a lot about my mom.I was sad to learn that there mother had died just a few months before I found them. Aunt Joyce was the person who enjoyed Genealogy and researched the family history. If anyone had any information on my mother, it would have been her. I am sorry that my aunt and her oldest daughter passed away before I had a chance to know them.

I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET MY CLAN

I really wanted to meet my Jennings cousins....and I felt blessed that they wanted to meet me as well. I was on Pins and Needles just waiting for a time where everyone could get together. It took a few months but a date is arranged. Booked my flight to the United States. The biggest preparation was going thru all my notes. I wanted to make sure I had all my documents and most of all all my Questions ready for them. I am READY....LET'S GO!!!!

FIFTEEN - Being a "Little Sister" for the first time in my life

My BIG BROTHER STEVE

Getting to know my BIG brother Steve

Once I knew for sure that the DNA match was for my Brother Steve, we started chatting on the phone. I assumed he lived in the USA, and was shocked to learn that Steve had been born right here in Toronto, same place as my sister Tina and I.  All those years we were searching in the Wrong damn place! I spoke to him for the first time during the first week of August. When I asked where he lived Now, he said Vancouver....Another shock! A few months earlier I had booked a short visit to Vancouver to visit family...would be there in 2 weeks....Did Steve want to meet...YES he DID!

The YING and YANG of discovery

How strange to meet your BIG brother when he is 68 and his Little sister (me) is 64 years old.

There was Sadness in the meeting...all the years lost, and the Biggest was my sister had passed away 9 years earlier. Tina would have been Thrilled that we found Steve.  And then of course, there was the fact that our mom was AWOL in Both our lives.

"BUT" there was also the BIG Happiness WOW factor....I finally found my BROTHER! 

Nothing else mattered, we found each other and everything else was in the PAST. I was more fortunate than Steve, because I always knew about HIM. Poor Big Brother Steve had NO idea about Tina and I, or many facts about our mom. ( he was told his mom was "NORA JENNINGS" )

MEETING for the FIRST time in our 60's

It's a strange feeling of worry, excitement and a bit of fear in the anticipation of meeting a sibling for the first time. Steve's partner SUE recorded our first hug and allowed us to prattle on like we knew each other for decades. I brought Steve some documents and photos. It's kind of a shock to learn my brother Steve has never seen a picture of his mother....almost surreal. Here I was upset that I had only 3 wedding photos, and here my brother had NEVER seen her face.

We sat at the restaurant going over all the documents etc and I tried to remember any little tidbit to share with Steve. I could tell he "Needed" to know Everything.

It was comforting to know that the biggest hurdle of finding each other was done. It is not just a NEW page for Both of us, it is a new BOOK. We can put a Positive spin on everything from this point on!

FORTEEN - MEET "my Brother from the same Mother" SUCCESS!!!

Meeting my Brother STEVE for the FIRST time in my life!!!

LIFE SURPRISES for the SIBLINGS!

My earliest memory when I learned I had a brother, was when I was perhaps 4 years old. I was using scissors to cut out these cute little Cartoon babies I found in a book. My mom (Lenora Jennings Veri) walked in the room, and burst into tears....I was aghast and didn't understand what I had done wrong. Mom explained the book was for her "Little Boy Baby" I don't remember what she said about why the Baby Boy was gone, I just remember that she was quite upset. I Never forgot about my mom telling me about the Little Baby Boy.

Because my mom has been AWOL since 1965 and my father (Peter Veri) would never discuss her, my facts were mostly Guesses. I never knew "how or where" my parents met, fell in love or married. Most of my information has been either "Assuming" or from some dedicated research. 

The only thing I knew for sure, was my mom was born in Kentucky...that's it. 

I heard my mom worked at a hotel in Chicago as a Cigerette Girl, and my father perhaps used to be a Bartender at the same hotel. My father also told my sister Tina and I that he told mom he wouldn't raise another man's child. Mom put her "little Baby Boy" up for adoption and my parents were married in 1953. I "Assumed" the baby was not much older than me, so maybe born 1952?

" ANCESTRY.CA " Success story!

Years ago my father told a cousin that my mom's baby boy was named "STEVE or STEVEN" and lived in Dayton Ohio. So that's where I concentrated my searches all these years, mainly in Dayton, and Chicago....couldn't find a thing! I was looking under "Jennings" but realized it was a long shot because the baby had gone up for adoption before 1953.

Didn't matter where Tina and I searched, there was no info on mom's first born. Even relatives would look at me funny, saying they never heard about mom having a previoud child.

THANK GOODNESS FOR ANCESTRY DNA TEST!

WHO is this DNA match who doesn't respond to my Monthly Messages!

So I wrote to the first 50 DNA matches, but kept strick notes on the top 10 matches. Every MONTH I would write, and kept a record of the message, the date and anything else of interest. Strangley enough I did get some responses, but not from the top 5. Most of the replys were adoptees looking for info on Their birth family....sadly I didn't have any info to give them.

The top 5 matches were the difficult ones. You try hard Not to get discouraged. WHY aren't I getting any replies, WHY did they take a DNA test if they won't answer - blah, blah, blah. You must "shake it off" and start the next day with a new Positive attitude. Finally with some creative messaging, my FORTH best DNA match wrote back. We exchanged quite a few emails and he sent me the First photos I had ever seen of my mom's oldest sister Dolores!

Then I heard back from my THIRD Dna match, then number TWO....but who is number ONE? On August 1st I decided to write ONE MORE TIME ( 6 months AFTER my first message ) A week later I got a response, they wanted to know a bit more about me. I gave them my mom's name, plus a few more tidbits - - - but I did NOT tell them that I thought the male DNA was actually my Brother ( I've read you Never do that, you might scare them away, better to move Slow ) I checked my email a few times every hour. Finally I heard back from his wife  who wrote me saying " I have been stalking all your Social Media pages, OMGawd I think you are Steve's sister" 
 UREEKA I FINALLY found my BROTHER!!!!